How To Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Change

Control what you can (your attitude, actions and effort). Cope with what you can’t. Concentrate on what counts.

As humans, we tend not to consider change until not changing feels too painful to endure. In other words, when the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of changing.

Yet, there is so much we can’t control. This feels scary sometimes. We desperately want to know what’s going to happen in the future. Preferably, that everything will be okay.
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It can be really easy to spiral into a frenzy of uncertainty, panic, and/or frustration over stuff we have zero control over. Or, double-down on our attempts to control harder.

The good news, though, is that you probably have more control than you realize. There are factors and elements that you can control in healthy and productive ways. You can show up for those things, own them, and take an active part in shaping them.

Focusing on those things that you can control can help you feel calmer and more capable of carrying on.

Image from Precision Nutrition | The Spheres of Control

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I get it. Even though there’s a lot you can control, there’s a brutal truth in life that can be very difficult for some people to accept: You have no control over many of the things that happen in your life.

If you resist this truth, you risk becoming a control freak, micromanaging, refusing to delegate, and trying to force others to change. This type of person thinks that if he/she gains enough control over people and situations, they can prevent bad things from happening.

Others know they can’t prevent bad things from happening, but they wonder and worry about them anyway. Their worries ultimately waste their time and energy because let’s face it, worrying doesn’t do any good.
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If any of this sounds familiar—if you find yourself in either of these boats—here are some things that can help:

Make a list of the things that are within your control right now

Consciously commit to focusing on and acting on those things, rather than the ones beyond your total control. Take a moment to grieve the loss of control, if you need to. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that much of the world operates without us as general manager.

Focus on your influence

You can influence people and circumstances, but you can’t force things to go your way. In other words, you have control over your actions and behaviors, but you can’t control the outcome; concentrate on what counts.

Identify your fears

Ask yourself what you are afraid will happen. Usually, the worst-case scenario isn’t as tragic as you might envision. There’s a good chance you’re stronger than you think.

Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving 

Ask yourself whether your thinking is productive. If you are actively solving a problem, keep working on solutions. If you’re wasting your time ruminating, change the channel in your brain.

Create a plan to manage your stress

Exercising, eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep, meditating, doing yoga, nasal breathing, walking outdoors, and engaging with others are just a few things you need to do to take care of yourself and to help manage stress appropriately.

Develop healthy affirmations

Create a mantra that reminds you that you’re in control of your actions, attitudes, and effort, such as “Win the day.” Create another mantra that helps you when you’re thinking about something you have no control over, such as “I can handle it.”

And remember… Control what you can (your attitude, actions, and effort). Cope with what you can’t. Concentrate on what counts.

Cheering on you! Stay safe and healthy! God bless!

​To a better you!